Tali,
I think there were many valid points made in your article about the exorbitant amount of money people have been spending on weddings in recent years. However, I think that the direction of your article needs a bit of a redirect. Allow me to explain.
“Orthodox weddings, like weddings across the country, have long since passed the point of excess and have approached the realm of absurdity. Orthodox weddings can often carry a price tag of $30-40,000, with weddings in the $80,000 not unheard of.” “The excess that has become standard in Orthodox weddings…” These are direct quotes from your article. Now, I have had the fortune of attending many Orthodox weddings and I don’t think the cost of any of them comes close to approaching the tremendous amount of money that you discuss in your article. That being said, I am not writing to claim that your comments are false. I totally agree that many people “flex their financial muscles” too much when it comes to occasions like weddings and this is a tremendous problem. However, I do not believe that the issue is something that one can say is true for the global, or even national, Orthodox community.
According to a study in Reuters, New York led the nation in 2012 with the highest average cost per wedding at $65,824, a number that is nearly $40,000 higher than the US average. Obviously this study included all kinds of weddings and not just those of Orthodox Jewry, but the demographic is, for all intents and purposes, the same. You see, while everything may be bigger in Texas, everyone knows that everything is more elegant, extravagant, and expensive in New York.
Where have you taken your “experimental sample” from? If the answer is “mainly New York weddings,” I don’t think that is a fair test sample to say that a fault of Orthodoxy that too much money is spent on a wedding. Based on the article in Reuters, however, it is fair to say that it is a fault of those who live in New York and other big cities. I will admit that Chicago, my home town, is second on the list.
Now that that has been established, I agree that religious people, who view matrimony as something that is sacred, should be more conscientious about where their priorities lie when it comes to planning a wedding. People also need to overcome their egos and stop trying to compete with one another by showing off the weight of their wallet. Jealousy, arrogance, and vanity are all things frowned upon in the Jewish value system.
However, to reiterate, this “keeping up with the Joneses” issue is not limited to, or even primarily infecting, the Orthodox community at large. It is simply a symptom of the rich who live in the big cities and like to show off their wealth, regardless of their religion.