When Did Our 20s Become a Competition?

By: Moriel Shviki  |  September 10, 2026

By Moriel Shviki, Staff Writer

The Pressure to Have it All Figured Out

I don’t think that the hardest part of being in your twenties is not knowing what comes next; Rather, it’s feeling like everyone else already does.

As a 21-year-old college student, I find myself battling these thoughts almost every day. I scroll through LinkedIn and see someone announcing their dream job. Then, I open Instagram, and someone my age is getting engaged, launching a business, traveling the world, or celebrating another exciting milestone. Before I even realize it, I’m asking myself the same question: Am I falling behind?

The truth is, I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way. 

Ambition, Comparison, and the “Gen Z” Timeline

Gen Z is often described as ambitious, driven and entrepreneurial, which are qualities I’m proud to be surrounded by. But somewhere along the way, ambition stopped feeling motivational and started feeling like pressure. It seems like everyone is building a business, becoming an influencer, landing prestigious internships, or creating the “perfect” life before they even graduate.

Success has become something we’re expected to achieve as quickly as possible. Instead of enjoying where we are, we are constantly worrying about where we should be. 

As college students, we are often told that these are supposed to be the best years of our lives. Yet for many of us, they’re filled with uncertainty. We feel pressure to choose the perfect major, secure the perfect internship, build an impressive resume, and somehow have our entire future mapped out before we even receive our diploma.

I’ve realized something, though. 

What College Doesn’t Always Teach Us

We need more than just college to prepare us for life. Some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned haven’t come from a textbook. They’ve come from stepping outside my comfort zone, saying yes to opportunities that scared me, trying new things, and allowing myself to grow through experience. Sometimes the experiences that shape us the most happen outside the classroom.

Social Media Only Shows Part of the Story

Outside of school, I run a social media page called @realwithmoriel, where I share moments from my life, college, travel, faith and personal growth. Ironically, creating content has completely changed the way I view social media. Even when I try to be authentic, people are still only seeing a small part of my life. They don’t see the challenging moments I go through, the opportunities that didn’t work out, the moments of self-doubt or the days I question whether I’m doing enough.

And if that’s true for me, it’s probably true for everyone else. 

Social media captures mere moments, not entire lives. Yet we compare our everyday lives to someone else’s biggest milestones and wonder why we feel behind.

Success is Not Linear

I set high expectations, and when I don’t reach my goals as quickly as I’d hoped, I convince myself I’ve somehow failed. But over the past few years, I’ve started realizing that growth is not linear.

Some opportunities don’t work out. Some plans change. Some dreams take longer than we expected. 

That doesn’t mean we’re failing.

Comparison has become one of the biggest sources of pressure for people our age. Every notification, announcement and success story can quietly convince us that we’re running out of time and need to accomplish more. 

The Pressure of a Single Timeline

For many young women, the pressure goes beyond careers. There are expectations surrounding relationships, marriage and what life is “supposed” to look like by a certain age. Growing up in the Jewish community, I’ve personally seen how conversations about dating and marriage often begin long before emotional readiness. While these milestones are beautiful, they can unintentionally make us feel like life must follow one single timeline.

The reality, however, is that it doesn’t. 

Everyone’s journey looks different.

People often say your twenties are for finding yourself. 

I actually don’t think we ever stop finding ourselves.

Finding Yourself is Not a One-Time Thing

Every season of life introduces a new version of who we are. The person I am today is different from who I was at eighteen, and I hope the person I become by thirty will be different from who I am today. That’s not a sign that I’m lost. It’s a sign that I’m still growing.

Life isn’t about becoming one finished version of yourself. 

It’s about continuing to evolve.

Learning to Stay Present

Sometimes I catch myself wanting to fast-forward. I wonder what my future career will look like, who I’ll marry, where I’ll live and what my life will become.

But then I remind myself of something simple.

One day, I’ll probably look back at these years and wish I had worried a little less and appreciated them a little more. 

Maybe our twenties were never meant to be a competition.

Maybe they were meant to be a season of curiosity, mistakes, growth, unexpected opportunities and discovering what truly matters to us.

You are Not Behind

So, if you’ve ever looked around and felt like everyone else has their life figured out while you’re still trying to find your way, you’re not alone.

Maybe none of us have it all figured out. 

And maybe that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

 

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